Learning about ourselves

Adoption isn't a birth mother's rejection, but an unconditional love that inspires her to put herself last

Merry almost Christmas!  I still cannot believe Christmas is in 5 days!  I do believe our shopping is all done, our baking is close to being done, and our house is not at all clean!

This week was a big week for me...I had a feeling that I NEED to be in control of something on this journey!  Sarah and I have been texting about every other day.  I am a texter, she is not.  I would prefer to text over talk!  I just don't have time to sit and talk on the phone...she does!  So, I had a plan- What if we set a time, once a week, to talk on the phone!  So, we decided I would call her on Friday's at 6:00pm.  If we wanted to text/talk throughout the week, we could, but this could be our set time!  I know she has doctor's appointments on Tuesday's and Friday's, so this could be our time to catch up.  Tonight was our first "call".  

I called her at around 6:00 pm and we talked for about 1 hour and 15 minutes!  It was lovely.  There were some moments that absolutely took my breath away.  She did tell me that her appointment today went very well.  It was an ultrasound and she said everything looked great!  

She then asked me if we were ready for the baby.  I asked her what she meant by that...like do we have a car seat, or are we mentally ready for a newborn in our home?  Yes and Yes!  She wanted to know if we had names picked out and the answer to that is, No, we do not!  I told her I would love her suggestions!  We are having a hard time agreeing on a name!  I asked her if she was ready and how she was doing with all of this.  She said "I'm not going to lie, I think about this everyday!"  She thinks about if this is the right decision.  She thinks about what she wants to do with her life and that a newborn would probably set her back.  She thinks about the people that she says judge her for giving this baby up for adoption.  She said in the area she lives, people think she is taking the "easy way out" and not facing her problems head on.  I gave her my two cents....those people have clearly never had to make this heart wrenching decision that she is making.  We talked about the hospital where she is going to deliver and how she is excited for three meals a day!  (Broke my heart!) We  talked about a great cupcake place in Cincinnati that I am now excited to try!  We talked about her children and school and laughed a lot!  

She said a couple things to me that stopped me in my tracks and made me realize the magnitude of this decision!  She told me that the only reason she didn't have an abortion was because she couldn't afford it!  I feel like something/someone intervened and knew that this baby would be saved by us! I feel like we are being put through this process so quickly to give this baby a chance!  I don't know if it will actually be us physically giving this baby a chance, but I do know we played a part in knowing this baby gets to have a life now! We talked about the future and if we get the privilege of raising this baby, how she will forever be part of our family.  She had mentioned one time that she would not like the baby to know she is his "mom".  I told her we would respect her wishes, but I hope she reconsiders.  We want this baby to know that he had a mom that loved him so much that she chose life for him and chose to give him a life that she could not! 

As hard as this journey has been for us, it is just a tiny bit of what she is feeling.  I'm glad we are going through this, I am learning so much about myself!  And Greg still couldn't believe we talked for that long!

So, in conclusion....if you have any two or more syllable names that you like....we are taking suggestions!

Merry Christmas!!!!

Good Signs v Bad Signs

We love you before we even know you, even though there is just hope for you

Yesterday was the day.  The day we have been waiting for for 5 weeks, and really waiting for the last 2 1/2 weeks!  The Ultrasound!

I heard from Sarah shortly after her ultrasound, which we take as a good sign.  Everything we/she does, we look at it as a "good sign" or a "bad sign".  So the fact that we heard from her right away....chalk that up on the good sign board.

She said baby is 4 lbs and is practicing breathing and is healthy!  Yay!!!  They said she is around 32 weeks, so the due date is around February 4, 2014 and it is definitely a BOY!  So, this was all great news! I did ask her if she had a birth plan and she said she hasn't thought about it and she thinks better under pressure....not sure what that means, but, once again, we will wait and find out!

I did meet with our social worker yesterday, also, just to lessen my anxiety about what is to come.  She told me what to expect in the hospital and the days after.  She gave me pointers on things to say and things to not say!  She also told me that 90% of adoptive couples end up experiencing a failed adoption, whether it be their 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc.  She just wanted us to know and to be prepared, that anything could happen.  I appreciated the reality check!  She said we will feel like "baby snatchers" when we are at the hospital, even if everything is going smoothly!  I started sweating right away...something else to think about and something else to worry about!  Great!

As many of you know, Tre' is moving to Florida this January to become an intern at Disney - and of course, I will be helping him move down there!  So, I took the risky move of buying our plane tickets leaving January 12th and me returning the 14th.  A quick trip...and I am sure a sad trip as I will be leaving him down there!  But, as with anything in my life, I am sure that is when I will get the "I'm going into labor call!".  Time will tell!

On the agenda today....finishing Christmas shopping!

Friends and Cupcakes

Friends are like bras....they are close to your heart and there for support

Yep, that quote may be a little inappropriate, but it's the truth!

I had a really hard time sleeping last night, thinking about the "what ifs".  I thought the "what ifs" thoughts were over.  But, reality struck again and they are back.  What is she changes her mind?  What if....  

So, what does one do that had a hard time sleeping...you go to work with70 undecorated cupcakes and you and your friend continue decorating them!  Poor Maridee, not only did she so graciously help me decorate all these cupcakes, but she sat and listened to my "what ifs" and the whole story from my chat with Sarah last night.  But, I must say, we got the cupcakes done and they are so cute!  We are delivering this last batch to referring dentist tomorrow...the 1st 80 cupcakes went out yesterday!

I did email our adoption advisor, Mary, this morning and asked her opinion on everything - and then I had to send her pictures of our celebrity sightings while we were out in California for my birthday! (We can't be serious 100% of the time...sometime we have to talk about reality TV!)  She was very quick to get back to me (I think she could sense the anxiety in my voice) and she reassured me that a lot of doctors are against adoption and try to talk the birth moms into doing it themselves - this is another reason why birth moms don't make it to all their appointments - and rightly so.  Now I get it!  She said she is going to speak with Sarah again today, but she still feels that adoption is her only option!  She said I should feel good that she talked to me about what the social worker said!  So, again, we just wait....decorate cupcakes...and order a diaper bag...hoping all works out!

Lisa Vanderpump from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and 

Vanderpump Rules

Tom Sandoval from Vanderpump Rules (all on BravoTV! :-) )

Clear as Mud

Adoption....the loving option

There is a thin line between being thrilled and being nauseated.   And I am teetering on that line.

We have so much hope that this baby is going to be healthy and that Sarah will be able to let this baby go so courageously.  With that being said, we are on pins and needles waiting for every doctor's appointment and "ultrasound".  Now, if you recall, we were told a couple weeks ago that she would need 2 ultra sounds a week until delivery, and as of now, Sarah hasn't had a single one.

Now, I am the only one that has communication with Sarah on a daily basis.  Greg doesn't, the agency doesn't, it is me.  I catch myself forgetting she is carrying "our" baby and wanting to take care of her.  Greg has dreams about the baby....I have dreams about moving Sarah in with us and taking care of her like I would my own children.  I forget sometimes that she is 28 and not 15.  

Her and I have had multiple talks lately about life....boys....moving...cable.  You know, the important things in life.  I try to encourage her to not settle for the "jerk" she tells me she likes.  And I try to encourage her to budget her money well and apply for that job she wants...even thought she is 8 or so months pregnant.  

Tonight was one of those nights she needed encouragement.  She made it to her doctor's appointment today....and by the way, the ultrasound is now Friday!  She said she had a very long appointment today, so they didn't have time for the ultrasound.  She told me they did a non-stress test on the baby and everything was very good, she told me she has very low iron and may have to have a blood transfusion (I told her I was the same way), and she told me she was very happy to finally get a prescription for something for her heart burn!  She was very excited because she really liked her Dr. and she said she was very nice!  All very encouraging to hear! Sarah said to me "Good news...the due date may be sooner or later than expected!"  Well, isn't that just as clear as mud?  I guess we will know more on Friday!  Hopefully!

I asked her if her Dr. was aware that she was giving the baby up for adoption and she said "I told them, but they feel bad for me, but I told them its ok but they still want me to reconsider.  They had the social worker come in and I'm like OMG what type of hospital is this, it isn't a sad story, it's really a great thing if you look at it differently."  I now had to let her know that she is doing the most courageous and selfless thing anyone could do.  But we wanted to make sure she was 100% in her decision.  I told her if she needed more time, we understand, or if she just wanted to talk about it, I would be all ears!  She then said "Oh thank you!  It means a lot.  A lot of people look down on me for this, but I always think, what if I just had an abortion, would they feel better?"  I was just floored that someone at a medical facility would try to talk someone out of this decision, knowing she knows she can't take care of this baby.  All I can do is be there for her!  She tells me she is confident in her decision and she is glad she is not a judgemental person like the social worker at the office! 

She is a strong person.  I know that she will make the right decision for this baby and I just keep praying that the right decision is for us to be his parents.  God willing!

The waiting game....

Adoption isn't a birthmother's rejection but an unconditional love that inspires her to put

herself last and so all she can for her baby.

 

 

Well, today is the ultrasound day....or so I thought.  I have been looking forward to today to get some clarification on a few things...hopefully a due date and hopefully the sex of the baby! 

 

I knew the appointment was to be at 2:40pm (EST), and to be honest, time kind of got away from me.  So at 1:50 pm our time I was shocked I was getting a text from Sarah!  How could she already be done...that can't be a good!  Well, she just text me to let me know that she went to her appointment, and what do you know, it is next Tuesday!  Ugh!  Part of me was a little disappointed!  But the majority of me was glad.  I figured her last Dr. appt was last Monday, so if something was "really wrong", they wouldn't wait two weeks for her to have an ultrasound.  So, we have no new news, but I do have a little piece of mind that everything is going okay!  Now, as with any other time in this process, we will just wait, and be reminded that nothing is in our control!

 

On another note, we did get the house decorated for Christmas and I got braces today!  Never a dull moment at our house!

 

 



Happy Thanksgiving!

FAMILY....We may not have it all together, but together, we have it all!

 

 

Happy Thanksgiving.  We have so much to be thankful for this year! 

 

Sarah made it to her Dr. appt. on Monday.  She text me after the appointment and stated that the "dr. search is over!"  Now, in my world, the search would have been over years ago as I have had the same OBGYN for 15 years.  But, this isn't my world and we just have to be thankful that she was able to find a doctor to care for her in the last weeks of her pregnancy. 

 

Hopefully we will have many questions answered on Tuesday, as she goes in for an ultrasound.  Now, according to her, she needs two ultrasounds a week until she delivers.  I find that hard to believe and have been googling reasons why someone would need two ultrasounds a week.....note to self:  stay off Google!  My guess is she misunderstood, but we are thankful for the Tuesday ultrasound!  I am going to let her know that if she would like me to be on speaker phone at her appointments to just call me! I would feel better about that!  In the mean time, we are waiting for her medical records from that appointment to be sent to us!

 

Thanksgiving went off without a hitch.  We hosted it this year and had my family as well as Greg's family.  It was a fun filled three days, and of course, My mom, the kids and I all went out  Black Friday shopping!  Tre' shopped with us like a trooper and then went to work at 3:30 am!  Later Friday morning, Greg took Taylen and Ashlin to the Husker game while Tre' slept and my mom and I continued shopping!  We did get a little nap in the 4th quarter before we had all the family back over for left overs!  We had a great time and ate entirely too much! Today's walk with the dogs was extra long to help with my potential weight gain!

 

Today, I mailed out our Christmas cards, so that must mean Christmas is right around the corner!  Christmas music, hot cocoa and Christmas decorating is on the agenda tomorrow!

Expecting without pregnancy

Adopting one child won't change the world, but for that child the world will change

Today was a big day!  I knew Sarah was going in for her OB visit this morning.  She text me the other day and informed us!  We also had an interview scheduled with our pediatrician.

I was shopping at Hobby Lobby today...about 11:15 a.m. and I thought I would text Sarah to see how her appointment went.  I had been thinking about it all morning, but I didn't want to seem to eager and I sure didn't want her to think that is all I cared about.  I started out by telling her it snowed here, and then I asked her how her appointment went.  She informed me that the "walk-in" clinic she went to early this morning only takes the first 5 patients and she was the 6th one.  My heart sunk a little!  Now, I know from having my own OB appointments, that these normal appointments aren't that informative.  They measure, listen to the heartbeat, and answer any questions.  Questions I would ask, but was sure she wouldn't ask.  But to have her go to that appointment would prove to us that she is trying to be responsible and taking care of our baby.  She said she would try again Monday.  I, again, am experiencing something I have never experienced.  What pregnant person DOESN'T have a regular doctor with regular appointments?  Why isn't this as important to her as it is to me?  Is she hiding something that will devastate us later?  But, then again, if she was having the same feelings as us, I would not be writing this blog.  And once again, the harsh reality that I am not in control.  This young  woman was holding our parental destiny in her hands.  Let's hope she is one of the first 5 patients on Monday. 

Now, for those of you who know me, know that I LOVE my kids' pediatrician and his office.  So, it wasn't even a discussion as to where we would take the baby.  Greg has heard me talk of Dr. Brad and was excited to meet him.  So, I gathered up my newly organized binder (I clearly have too much time on my hands or a little OCD) and we headed to the pediatricians office for our "new baby" interview.  I interviewed him when I moved to Lincoln and was pregnant with Taylen and we have been going to the same pediatrician for 15 years, so I knew how they do things.  but, I wanted to interview him again for two reasons: 1) I wanted Greg to meet him; 2) I had a ton of questions!  Mom takes advil, is that ok?  Mom says she has smoked, is that ok?  We are going to be living in a hotel for a few days/weeks, at what point should I take the baby in for a check?  When should we schedule his appointment when we get back?  What formula should we use?  Can we fly back with the baby or should we drive?  

Dr. Brad gave us a book - Birth to Age 5.  Greg was excited...his new nightly reading, he informed me! He spent an hour and twenty minutes with us after his office was closed, and explained everything to us.  He looked through the medical records and thought everything looked great.  Of course, the more records we have, the better, but we will take what we can get! At the end of the conversation, he said, "You call anytime you want, even if you are in Cincinnati and I will call you back.  And the minute you get back, I want to look over the baby, so we will get you in anytime!"  Greg was very impressed with him and I had a little less anxiety.  

After reading through the records, he couldn't pinpoint a due date....or a gender!  This could get interesting!

Ooo, we need to buy a turkey...we are hosting Thanksgiving in a few days...boy did that sneak up on us!