And we are back...

The hardest thing about "everything happens for a reason" is waiting for the reason to come along

First of all let me make this disclaimer:  You should never write a blog post when you are not in a good head space!  I have just re-read my last blog post and I am apologizing!  The grammar is terrible and it really doesn't even make sense!  Thank you all who didn't point that out.....and thank you all who understood what I was trying to say! 

It has now been 10 days since we said good-bye to a baby we never met.  Aysoni did text me and was very apologetic.  She also told me she named him Dylan and he weighed 7lbs 8oz.  We just pray they are all doing well.

Greg returned from Florida on March 29th and I returned April 1st.  We made the best of a bad situation and, of course, visited Tre' and went to Disney World.  It was awesome getting through the entire park in 2 hours!  The perks of having our own personal tour guide!  My feet hurt so bad!  We had a wonderful time and I had such a relaxing time hanging out with him for the next few days after Greg left.  My sister came to Orlando and us three sat by the pool and talked and laughed!  Just what the Dr. ordered!!!

Back on the adoption note, we are still on track with the May baby.  Nothing new has happened with that, but I have talked with the birth mom and she is doing well and still wanting to go through with everything! But, we all know not to get our hopes up.  The birth mom works for a CPA and is extremely busy until April 15th!  She did tell me that the birth father would like to meet us...and we are excited for that!  She seems very smart and words everything very well! I'm very impressed with her.  I am letting her contact me when she wants.  She is anxious to find out the gender...not for her sake, but for ours.  We would love to know the gender, but if we find out on May 12th, that is fine also!  We returned all the clothes for several reasons.  So, when and if the time comes that we are to be parents to another child, we will re-buy everything!   

Until then, we will continue with work, kids' activities and planning another trip to Disney!  We are super excited and ready to close one chapter and start another!

We are getting good at this!

                                   If plan A or B didn't work....there are 24 more letters left!

Well, I wish I had good news to share. 

I made it to Tampa on Tuesday night, Greg made it Wednesday at around lunch time.  

Aysoni went to the hospital Wednesday morning at 5 am and told me should would let me know when she's as checked in and ready. I knew then things weren't going to go well! Greg and I sat down for lunch and got a call from Tammy.  Aysoni was having second thoughts and she wasn't sure what she was going to do! My heart sunk! We made a decision then that we would not see the baby until she decided and signed the papers.  We knew it could be 48 hours.  We decided to stick around Tampa...just because it was 2:00 and we were tired and didn't want to fight traffic getting to Orlando about rush hour.  We got an email about 4:00 and it had said baby was born. Again, our hearts sank.  We were across the street from what could be our baby and we could do nothing. Shortly thereafter, we got a call from Tammy and she had stated that Aysoni told her she thought she was going to be able to do it, but she just couldn't.  So, right there in the restaurant we were at I started crying and basically didn't stop all night. 

We went to our room and mourned. We talked, laughed and cried. We ordered room service, Greg got into a robe (hopefully he did that to try to make me laugh) and we just ate pizza and talked. I did hear from Aysoni later that evening and she apologized and said she was sad. I told her that we were also sad, but we could never understand the enormity of her decision. I told her that like I have said all along, I wanted her to do what was best for her and her family and this is what she thinks is best.  I told her I would pray for peace for her and wanted her to enjoy her new family. She didn't give me details on the baby, but I did tell her to kiss him for us!

Again this morning, she text me that she was so sorry and sad.  I again told her I wanted her to be at peace with her decision and we were not upset with her at all.  

Like I told Greg...she doesn't have the support she needs for such a major decision. Everyone around her wanted her to keep the baby for one reason or another.  I compared it to a time when we went to Blizzard Beach as a staff ( a Disney water park) and I didn't want to go down this steep slide. I kept telling myself I would all the way up and then when we got to the top, if Greg and Maridee would not have been there basically making me....I would have turned around and went back down the steps! (I know, terrible comparison, but you get it, right?)

Anyway, the highlight of the trip is that we got to see Tre'.  It was so great to see him and to be able to spend the next 5 days with him just where we need to be....The Happiest Place on Earth.

One Week!

Life is like a camera....FOCUS on what's important, CAPTURE the good times, DEVELOP from the negatives, and if things don't work out TAKE ANOTHER SHOT!

Life has been pretty uneventful these last few weeks.  

Aysoni is still not communicating as much as she was in the beginning, but everything is still going as planned.  So we will see how this all turns out!

She did tell me that they have scheduled an induction date for her because they think the baby is getting too big.  She is scheduled to be induced March 26, 2014.  ONE.  WEEK.  AWAY.

I have A LOT of anxiety now, for several reasons!  The first is obvious!  Second, this date is also Tre's birthday and the fact that we will be 45 minutes away from him on his birthday and possibly not get to see him is killing me!  This will be the first time in 19 years I haven't spent a birthday with him!  Secondly, we will be leaving Taylen behind and the thought of not seeing him for possibly 2 weeks is killing me!  Thirdly, the thought of staying in a hotel for 2 weeks with a newborn baby in a forgien town is cause enough for anxiety!

We have purchased our airline tickets already.  I will be leaving March 25th and Greg will follow on the morning of the 26th.   We fly in and out of Orlando so we will need to get rental cars and drive to Tampa. (Which reminds me, I need to do that!) Greg will be coming home on the 29th so he can start back to work on the 31st.  I have a tentative return date of April 1st.  IF this doesn't work out, Greg and I will spend time with Tre' and some time to relax after these month of stress!  IF it does work out, I will probably not be able to come home until at least April 10th, so I will just extend my ticket!  I will be staying in a Disney Resort, so it can't be all that bad!

I have gone through the suite case multiple times just to make sure we have everything we may need.  We aren't taking a car seat/stroller down there, because how devastating would it be to have to bring it home empty?!  So, we will buy those things when we get down there! Taylen and I did put together our Mama-Roo (an AWESOME gift from our friends Brad and Heather) just to make it seem like SOMETHING was ready!  

If this baby is born on March 26th, she can't sign her rights over until she is medically discharged OR 48 hrs...whichever comes first.  So, by March 28th, we should know if the baby is ours or not!  Please pray for a good outcome for everyone!!!

The next time I blog will be the big day......

Two are better than one, right?

Sometimes miracles come in pairs.

Excuse me while I have a tiny panic attack!

Now that I think about it....I think we were always meant to have two babies!  

When we were chosen this time around, we always knew there was a chance we could still get little Oscar.  We always had in the back of our minds that we could end up with "twins" that were 6 weeks apart.  We never imagined it may come true.  Now, just to be clear, Oscar is doing well, so we hear....and unfortunately, he will not be coming to live with us!

Let's start with Aysoni.  Things have kind of taken a little turn...we aren't sure what kind of turn, but we know things have turned.  Remember she was always so good at communication...up to a constant 9 hours a day??  Well, on Thursday, I got a call from the social worker in Florida (Emily).  Of course, my heart always drops when my phone rings.  Anyway, she just wanted to tell me she was pregnant (which I knew) and she was having some health problems and needed to quit work.  I was very sorry to see her leave because she is very nice and good with dealing with Aysoni, but deep down I was relieved that is all the phone call was about!  Then my phone rang about an hour later and it was Emily again.  I figured she forgot to tell me something!  Nope....she had talked to Aysoni and now Aysoni's grandmother AND aunt want her to keep the baby.  She lives with both of them and they help her A LOT with her other children and she feels like the only reason they want her to keep the baby is for "more benefits" to them! Example:  Food stamps, tax write off, welfare....etc!!  It is very sad and Aysoni knows it is wrong of them to want this baby as a "meal ticket".  She said she is still adamant about the adoption and wanting us to have the baby, but she has since cut her communication drastically.  This worries us terribly!  She is stuck between not wanting to disappoint her family and knowing what is the best thing to do for her and her baby!  Only time will tell and we pray this opportunity works out!  Aysoni wants to get out of the "mess" she is in and wants to better herself and she knows keeping this baby is not the right thing to do.  Please keep praying for her!

Now, here is the rest of the story:  long story short....Greg's mom knew somebody who had a granddaughter who needs to find a home for her unborn baby.  She asked us if we were interested in getting more information and of course we said yes!  JUST IN CASE THINGS DON'T WORK OUT WITH AYSONI!  Anyway, Beth (Greg's mom) gave her friend our phone number and they called us on Sunday and wanted to interview us.  We met with her and she was interviewing potential birth parents for her baby that is scheduled to be born May 12, 2014.  We explained to her our situation and that we would be interested IF our current opportunity doesn't work out.  We told her we would know more in 3 weeks and if she could wait that long we would love it, but completely understand if she can't.  She lives here in Lincoln, she goes to my OBGYN and would like us, if chosen to go to all Dr. appts. with her.  Now, this sounds like the perfect opportunity!  After she left, we both looked at each other and realized we might have just made a terrible mistake!  It wasn't fair for us to ask her to wait for us and it wasn't fair for the other potential candidates either.  So, we called her back and told her we would be interested regardless of how our other situation turns out.  Worse case scenario....we have "twins" who are 6 weeks apart!  There are worse things in life that could happen!  

Well, we got the call tonight that we have been chosen by the Lincoln birth mom!  We are not sure the sex of this baby, she doesn't even know.  We can find out at one of her doctor's appts.  We are a little panicked right now....we could now have to be preparing for two babies!  More than that though, we are feeling beyond blessed.  We will figure it out! 

We are so excited that we have these great opportunities!  We will know more in three weeks or so when Aysoni has the little man and she does or doesn't sign her rights away!  We are so excited about everything and ask for your prayers and positive thoughts as we continue on this amazing roller coaster we are on!

So in conclusion....if no one has summer plans....please feel free to come visit and keep us sane!!! :-)

No News is Good News

You can't control everything.  Sometimes you just need to relax and have faith that things will work out.  Let go and let life happen.

I know it has been a while since I updated.  That is a good thing, I guess.  

Everything is going along just fine.....same 'ole, same 'ole!  

The only big thing that has happened with the adoption in the last week is the birth father has officially signed his rights away.  That really means nothing other than we don't have to worry about him IF she goes through with the adoption.  That is a step in the right direction as the birth father was the reason we ended the other adoption opportunity.  So, that makes us feel a little better.  Now, we just have to make sure mom wants to sign away her rights.  She can do that after 48 hours or after she is medically discharged. 

Aysoni still continues to have EXCELLENT communication.  I have spoken to the agency about her constant communication and hopefully they will talk to her about it.  My concern is that once this is all over, she will not only lose a baby, but a "best friend" as she calls me.  I appreciate and understand her wanting to talk to me a lot....I mean, she is giving us her baby...and I am sure she wants to feel like she is giving him to "friends" versus "strangers".  So, I will continue to constantly communicate with her, if that is what she wants.  I have never been in her position, but I can say that if I was in her position, I would want to make sure my baby was going to "friends".

Taylen has finished up wrestling for this season and had a great time.  He went 10-14...which was darn good considering this was his first year wrestling and most of his opponents have been wrestling since the age of 4. We are trying to talk him into trying out for baseball....hopefully he gets bored quick with not doing anything after school and tries out!  But, as with the wrestling kids, he has been doing baseball since he was 4...my guess he is burnt out!

Taylen and his buddy after the last wrestling meet

Tre' is still loving Disney.  We are hoping this baby will work out and I will get to spend a couple weeks with him in March/April.  And we are still planning a vacation to see him in May!

Tre' with his buddy, Donald Duck

And, if any one is wondering about my namesake fish....well, he died!

Anyone need a therapist?

If you looked up requirements for adoption (as if it were a job), STRENGTH would be required.  The strength to give and the strength to receive.  The strength to know that even though there is heartbreak....there is HOPE.

First of all, let me start out by saying Happy Birthday to my dad in heaven.  I hope you are having a wonderful birthday!

Secondly, this last 10 days has taught me that maybe I am in the wrong profession- I should be a therapist! At least that is what I have been doing more hours that my actual job!

All is still going according to plan...whatever the plan may be!  Our new birth mom, Aysoni, is so much different than Sarah.  Not sure if that is a good or bad thing.  With Sarah, we had to wonder if she would make her once a week call.  That was really the only time we talked to her.  With Aysoni, we don't have to worry!  I have talked/text with her more in the last 10 days than I talked to Sarah total in the 3 months we knew her.  She text me one day for 9 hours straight!!!  Once I was done texting her, then she called me!  Then Greg fixed me some "calming" hot tea and all was right with the world!  She just needs a friend, I have decided!  And I am very happy to be that friend!  And as Taylen says, "Mom, she just wants to be able to trust you!"  True, very true!  Our thoughts on the situation are this:  if this works out, we are obviously going to be over the moon, but if it doesn't, clearly Aysoni needed a friend to guide her and hopefully help her get on the right track.  I would like to think I helped in that!  She is very nice and very sweet.  I have even talked to her 5 year old son...such a polite young man!  He even just won a fish at a school fair and named one of them "Jami".  Not sure how I feel about that!:-)  

And for those who are wondering...Sarah had her baby boy on Feb 2.  When she told me it was a little bit of a punch in the stomach, but I was so happy to hear that she was doing well and the baby (all 8 lbs of him) was doing well, also!  I congratulated her and let her know we were here for her if she needed anything.  At the time she told me about the baby, he did not have a name yet and birth dad was not there for the delivery, but yet still doesn't want her to give him up.  I will never understand!

Tre' is still loving Disney and Taylen is just finishing up his wrestling season!  He just finished 4th at the tournament yesterday and his last meet is Tuesday!  Always busy at this house!

Go USA!

Everything happens for a reason...

If Plan "A" didn't work....the alphabet has 25 more letters!

Let me start out by saying.....this has been quite a week! Actually, quite the 10 days! Whew!

As you remember, we made the decision to not proceed with the adoption in Ohio.  As soon as the dust settled from that and all the phone calls were made, Greg and I had a chance to mourn a child we never knew.  Mourn the what ifs and what could have beens.  We took a day to ourselves and just mourned.  That  is what we needed.  It is amazing how broken our hearts were and still are for a baby we never knew.  We want only the best for the baby in Ohio (PS...we were going to name him Oscar).  I do still keep in contact with Sarah.  She is still pregnant and she is doing as best as can be expected.  I do send her little text every now and then just to help her keep her spirits up and she text me every once in a while, also.  I still want to help her if I can. 

Adoption is such a roller coaster ride...and not a fun one!  

Of course, we have been in the process of planning a trip to see Tre'.  On Tuesday (1/28) I was on the internet looking for airline tickets and my phone rang.  It was our client liaison from the agency, Carol.  She calls every once in a while to check in on us and see how things are going.  Well, I was getting a good deal on the plane tickets and didn't want to lose them, so I asked her right away if I could call her back!  I hung up with her and my computer froze...!  So I called Carol back.  Much to my surprise, she had ANOTHER adoption opportunity for us!  She was just "checking" to see if we were ready and were willing to take a call from an Adoption Advisor.  I took down the bare minimum information and told her I would call her back.  I needed to talk to Greg!  Both Greg and I were a little hesitate to tell her we would take the call....it was the reality that we were really NOT getting little Oscar.  And we were sad.  But, we decided we would like to hear the details of this other opportunity.  I truly believe things happen for a reason, so let's see!

We took the call on 1/28/14 at 7:00 pm.  We have a new Adoption Advisor, her name is Tammy.  She had  a 24 year old African American mom who chose us.  She is due March 31, 2014.  She is from Tampa, FL and the birth dad is willing to sign his rights away as soon as we accept.  With the laws in Florida, he can.  We listened and took notes and asked MANY questions and asked her if we could call her the next day.  We talked to each other and talked to the kids, googled Florida's laws, talked to people we didn't even know, called the pediatrician, called my OBGYN and then called the agency and said YES!!!!  We haven't quite got to the "excited" part yet.  We are very cautious this time around.  We are still very nervous!  I even spent my lunch hour returning clothes we had already bought.  This new baby is a boy, so we had clothes, but I didn't want to HAVE any here. (Plus, they would have been out of season!)  

We "met" our birth mother today and she is so much different than Sarah.  Sarah was so quiet and reserved and Aysoni is NOT!  I like Aysoni so much.  She has two other children - a 5 year old and 2 year old.  She told us she has been reading a book to her 5 year old about his little brother's "new family".  The little kids are ADORABLE and the 5 year old has already asked us to come over and spend the night.  He already told his mom "I love my little brother's new family".  Melted my heart!

We think, if everything works out, that this is going to be a wonderful opportunity.  I would still have to stay in Florida for a couple weeks after the birth, just like Cincinnati, but I can handle Florida for that long!  :-)  We are so lucky that we will be able to move anywhere in the state during that couple of weeks IF this opportunity goes through, so we will move from Tampa to Orlando during that time, probably.  Tre' is there, my sister is there and Greg's cousins are close by.  I also have a friend there.  So those two weeks should fly by until we can all be back in Lincoln together! So, this just seems like a better opportunity!

That is enough information for now!  We would love to ask for prayers or positive vibes for us for this new journey, for Sarah as she faces the unknown, for little Oscar that he knows how much we love him, for Aysoni and her boys (including the new one) to make these next 8 weeks run smoothly.  

And..for those wondering....I never did get the plane tickets for our Disney trip!  Coincidence???