Trying to be "perfect" in a not so perfect world

 

 

 

Not everyone will understand your journey.  That's fine.  It's not their journey to make sense of.  It's yours.



We received the requirements the Media Department needed to be able to start "marketing" us.  They needed two "Dear Birth Mother" letters (so we each wrote one) and 100 pictures.  Couples, individual "action" pictures, pictures of the boys,  home, etc....Thank goodness I carry my camera everywhere!  They would let us know when our websites would be up and birth mothers' actually had our pictures to look at. 

And our first Home Study was scheduled!

Our home was unnaturally clean!  I vacuumed every room twice, dusted, scrubbed the toilets in every bathroom,  and hung up pictures I have been putting off hanging.  Does this look like the perfect home for a baby?  Would our social worker see right through everything that was perfectly placed and think we were being "fake".  How does one prepare their home for a life changing event?

We were lucky enough to get Michelle.  She was our social worker in charge of our home study.  She was very nice and laid back and has also adopted two children.  A home study is mandatory for adoption and is carried out solely by your social worker, so I was happy Michelle was so awesome!  She came to our home three different times and gave us another ream of paper to fill out to complete our home study, along with telling us we needed to complete 10 hours each of "education". Education?  I have raised two boys, I think real life is education enough!  But, we obliged and watched our movies, had "story time" in the car where I would read chapters of books out loud while Greg drove and write reports on what we learned. We had to get background checks from local, state and FBI.  I started second guessing myself on if I had a criminal record or if we were qualified to parent...even though we were in the process of parenting Tre' and Taylen.  It's amazing how much this process makes you question all your natural abilities. 

Worse than a job interview

Even miracles take a little time.

 

 

 

 I was so excited to receive the packet of paperwork and information from the adoption agency.  It was delivered UPS 2nd Day Air and I felt like it was Christmas.  I opened it up and in it was what seemed like a ream of paper...all to be filled out by us.  I immediately ran and showed Greg!  This is it...we are getting a child....after ALL this paperwork gets filled out!  That was October 7, 2013!

 

So, this is where Greg and I differ!  He wants to look through each piece of paper and methodically think it out...I want to dive right in and get it done.  And so, on October 8, 2013, I was faxing in our finished paperwork. 

 

 

 

 

 

The agency replied back in a timely manner and our first official telephone meeting was scheduled.  October 11, 2013 at 11:00 a.m.  For me, the three days between the paperwork getting turned in and our first telephone call were torture!  Little did I know what we had in store for us. 

 

 

Greg and I positioned ourselves at our kitchen bar and waited for the phone to ring and promptly at 11:00 a.m., it did.  This meeting was with Kay.  She was our "Adoption Specialist" who would review our paperwork and tell us what the agency could do for us.  She went over our requirements in a birth mom....of course, every family wants a healthy baby, we were lucky enough to get to chose this.  We also chose that we did not care on gender or ethnicity!  She did warn us that because we just opened ourselves up to any ethnicity, that it MAY move quick.  After this phone call, there would be another phone call the next day with Wendy, an attorney at this agency.  Wendy also reiterated that the process MAY move quickly since we weren't picky on ethnicity or gender.  In my mind, I heard that we should be getting a call tomorrow about having a baby and in Greg's realistic mind, he heard it could be up to 1 year before we get "the call".

 

 

Greg and I both had such a great vibe after both phone calls and knew this was a huge leap of faith, but we decided we wanted to work with this agency! They seemed very helpful and knowledgeable and so nice! We spoke to Tre' and Taylen about our decision on this agency and they were so excited!  So on October 14, 2013, we were officially signed on and became a  "waiting family".

 

 

The next call would be from the agencies "Media Department" to help us with our profile.  This was strange to me....This is where a birth mother picks us!

 

And let the Home Study process begin.....

 

 

 



Deciding to Expand our Family

 

Being a family means your are a part of something very wonderful.  It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life.  No matter what!

 

 

We knew once we pulled the trigger on the adoption decision, we were on uncharted territory.  We knew one, maybe two people who had adopted.  We could follow the how-to books and great advice offered to us to get us from start to finish (from application to baby), and I have watched just enough Dateline and 48 hour Mystery television programs to know that adoption can also be a scary thing, but where do we start?

 

The process of adopting a child pushes your personal envelope as a person, as a mother and father, and ultimately as a human being, I would assume.  It takes more courage, trust and patients than we thought we had.

 

We did entertain the idea of a surrogate mother for about 5 minutes.  We had a consultation with an office in Colorado and when we got off the phone, we knew at that moment that surrogacy was not for us.  We wanted a child.  We didn't care if it was at all biologically ours, we wanted a child. 

 

We started looking around Nebraska at different adoption agencies and ran into the same problem with every single one of them....they would not even entertain our application until we were married for 3 or more years.  I could not comprehend this, but rules are rules.  And for some reason, Nebraska has some different laws, so we had to find a national agency that would also work with Nebraska.  That was a challenge in and of itself! 
 

I spoke to my great friend, Amy, and she suggested we use her agency out of California.  I was so excited.  I called them, and what do you know, they don't work with couples in Nebraska.  Our first rejection and I was crushed.  I thought it would be perfect as we knew someone who had been through it and could trust this agency.  (Because, believe me, there are A LOT of shady ones out there!)  They were able to refer me to another California based national agency and my spirits were lifted again! 

 

I made the first call the beginning of October and was directed to someone to "give me information" and I knew then I had made the call that would change our lives forever.