So much different that when I was pregnant

Sometimes the things we can't change end up changing us.

After that whirlwind few days, thing started to slow down, which is a good thing for my heart! :-)

We exchanged phone numbers with Sarah and her and I text a few times a week.  I can't believe it has been only two weeks since we learned of her.  I feel like time is standing still!

During one of our texting conversations, I asked her how far along she was.  Now, I can do that math, but it just made me feel better hearing it from her.  Her response "I'm not really sure, I stopped counting, but I think I am due February 4, 2014."  Now, I just sat there and stared at my phone.  Two things jumped out at me.  I went into Greg's office and read it to him.  February 4th?  I swear Mary told us January 2nd?  And, any of my friends, or myself that have been pregnant know exactly how far along they were.  I took this as a good sign that she wasn't attached!

You have to understand when you are dealing with women who are not emotionally connected to their pregnancy, a due date doesn't matter.  The "weeks" don't matter.  Mary had to explain this to me as I couldn't comprehend this!  As Greg said, February 4th actual works better for us...as our January is full and the kids will be gone.  But we will make anything work!  

We received the medical records and her paperwork from the agency.  I have scoured that paperwork at least 100 times! And from what I can figure out, she is due anytime between now and February 4th!  So, as with this whole process, we will wait and just know it is out of our hands!  And how very hard this is for me for something so important to be completely out of my control!

And I am not sure exactly where they found that the baby was a boy!

Meeting your child's mother

Little souls find their way to you, whether they're from your womb or someone else's

Meeting your child's mother is like nothing else you've ever done, so you haven't the foggiest notion how to act.   I was a nervous wreck.

The phone call was to take place at 5:30 pm CST (6:30 EST and 3:30 PST).  We were going to be on a conference call first with just Mary and then she would bring Sarah on.  I told Mary how nervous I was and she said that Sarah was just as nervous.  Greg, of course, was just as calm as ever.  I'm so glad one of us stays calm in this process!

We knew she was a 28 yr old, single, African American, and sure she didn't want to keep the baby.  She got on the phone and we could barely hear her.  She was so nervous and so quiet.  We had a lovely conversation that lasted about an hour.  She opened up a lot.  She told us about her childhood, her adulthood, what her family was like.  She knows she has made bad decisions in her life and she wants to make something of herself someday.  She asked us about our lives and what we like to do and about how we celebrate holidays.  She asked us if we would be okay with raising an African American baby.  

She sounded perfect to us.  Now, we know she isn't in the perfect situation and as far as we know, she is capable of deception.  But, we liked her so much right now and she was doing the most selfless act that we could think of.  I know I could never do what she is doing.  She was sweet and funny and that is just how we wanted to know her "in our minds".  

We know there is a high risk of an adoption failing.  We are aware of that.  Like I told Greg, they could have called us right back after the call on November 4, 2013 and told us that she changed her mind and we would've been just as devasated as we will be if God forbid she changes her mind in a few months.  So, we did what I know how to do best...we went shopping and picked up our first baby items!  

November 4, 2013

"Giving birth does not make a mother.....Placing a child for adoption does not make her less of one."

I remember the date and what we were doing like it was yesterday.  It was a Monday night.  The kids were both gone for the evening and Greg and I had just finished up supper.  Our deal is I cook dinner and he cleans up - I know, I have a pretty great husband! So, I made my way to the couch to relax for a second and he was finishing up the dishes.  I remember we had just started talking about the "what ifs".  What if we don't get a call for another year?  What if we NEVER get a call?  What if we get the call and then she ends up having twins? (cue 'Friends' episode here)  What do you think we will "have"? Boy or Girl? Big baby or tiny baby?  Where do you think the birth mother will be from? 

Because we are doing a domestic adoption, we have to stay in the state that the baby is born until the paperwork goes through the courts.  Could be a couple days to a few weeks!  So, in our conversation, I was saying that if we were to get a call and the baby was to be born in the winter, I was kind of hoping it would be a "warm" state.  Greg thought we would probably get a birth mother from Pennsylvania or somewhere around there.  It was fun to imagine when/where!

So, my heart stopped at 7:03 pm on November 4, 2013 when my phone rang and the caller ID came up "Unknown Caller".  Now, I have no idea, other than a "gut feeling" why that phone call stopped me dead in my tracks.  Every time the agency called me, it always came up with their number.  I answered the phone and I heard a very sweet voice, "Jami, this is Mary, your Adoption Advisor.  Is Greg around so I can speak to the two of you together?"  Of course, we perched ourselves on that kitchen bar stool and heard the best thing we've heard "Jami and Greg, congratulations, you have been chosen by a birth mother!"  

We didn't know what to do or say.  Do I cry? Do I sit quietly and listen?  Do I run outside and scream up and down the street that we are going to be parents?  

Mary continued, "Her name is Sarah, she is from Cincinnati and she is African American.  We also know the sex of the baby, but we will get to that later.  The baby is healthy and he is due January 2, 2014."  "So it's a BOY!!!" I said.  "Yes, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to tell you know, I didn't even know if you wanted to know.  It slipped!"  Greg and I sat there and took notes and just looked and each other!  

Mary told us the information we needed to know and told us we could call her back in the morning to let her know if we wanted this opportunity and if we did, we would then set up a "meeting" with the birth mother.  I said, "Can we call you back in 5 minutes?"  "No, take the evening to think about it and I will talk to you in the morning! I get in at 7:00 am PST"

We called the kids and informed them and asked what they thought and we were all so excited!

So, at 9:00 am CST and (7:00am PST), November 5, 2013, I called Mary back and told her we would be delighted to welcome this new little boy into our family!