Clear as Mud

Adoption....the loving option

There is a thin line between being thrilled and being nauseated.   And I am teetering on that line.

We have so much hope that this baby is going to be healthy and that Sarah will be able to let this baby go so courageously.  With that being said, we are on pins and needles waiting for every doctor's appointment and "ultrasound".  Now, if you recall, we were told a couple weeks ago that she would need 2 ultra sounds a week until delivery, and as of now, Sarah hasn't had a single one.

Now, I am the only one that has communication with Sarah on a daily basis.  Greg doesn't, the agency doesn't, it is me.  I catch myself forgetting she is carrying "our" baby and wanting to take care of her.  Greg has dreams about the baby....I have dreams about moving Sarah in with us and taking care of her like I would my own children.  I forget sometimes that she is 28 and not 15.  

Her and I have had multiple talks lately about life....boys....moving...cable.  You know, the important things in life.  I try to encourage her to not settle for the "jerk" she tells me she likes.  And I try to encourage her to budget her money well and apply for that job she wants...even thought she is 8 or so months pregnant.  

Tonight was one of those nights she needed encouragement.  She made it to her doctor's appointment today....and by the way, the ultrasound is now Friday!  She said she had a very long appointment today, so they didn't have time for the ultrasound.  She told me they did a non-stress test on the baby and everything was very good, she told me she has very low iron and may have to have a blood transfusion (I told her I was the same way), and she told me she was very happy to finally get a prescription for something for her heart burn!  She was very excited because she really liked her Dr. and she said she was very nice!  All very encouraging to hear! Sarah said to me "Good news...the due date may be sooner or later than expected!"  Well, isn't that just as clear as mud?  I guess we will know more on Friday!  Hopefully!

I asked her if her Dr. was aware that she was giving the baby up for adoption and she said "I told them, but they feel bad for me, but I told them its ok but they still want me to reconsider.  They had the social worker come in and I'm like OMG what type of hospital is this, it isn't a sad story, it's really a great thing if you look at it differently."  I now had to let her know that she is doing the most courageous and selfless thing anyone could do.  But we wanted to make sure she was 100% in her decision.  I told her if she needed more time, we understand, or if she just wanted to talk about it, I would be all ears!  She then said "Oh thank you!  It means a lot.  A lot of people look down on me for this, but I always think, what if I just had an abortion, would they feel better?"  I was just floored that someone at a medical facility would try to talk someone out of this decision, knowing she knows she can't take care of this baby.  All I can do is be there for her!  She tells me she is confident in her decision and she is glad she is not a judgemental person like the social worker at the office! 

She is a strong person.  I know that she will make the right decision for this baby and I just keep praying that the right decision is for us to be his parents.  God willing!

The waiting game....

Adoption isn't a birthmother's rejection but an unconditional love that inspires her to put

herself last and so all she can for her baby.

 

 

Well, today is the ultrasound day....or so I thought.  I have been looking forward to today to get some clarification on a few things...hopefully a due date and hopefully the sex of the baby! 

 

I knew the appointment was to be at 2:40pm (EST), and to be honest, time kind of got away from me.  So at 1:50 pm our time I was shocked I was getting a text from Sarah!  How could she already be done...that can't be a good!  Well, she just text me to let me know that she went to her appointment, and what do you know, it is next Tuesday!  Ugh!  Part of me was a little disappointed!  But the majority of me was glad.  I figured her last Dr. appt was last Monday, so if something was "really wrong", they wouldn't wait two weeks for her to have an ultrasound.  So, we have no new news, but I do have a little piece of mind that everything is going okay!  Now, as with any other time in this process, we will just wait, and be reminded that nothing is in our control!

 

On another note, we did get the house decorated for Christmas and I got braces today!  Never a dull moment at our house!

 

 



Happy Thanksgiving!

FAMILY....We may not have it all together, but together, we have it all!

 

 

Happy Thanksgiving.  We have so much to be thankful for this year! 

 

Sarah made it to her Dr. appt. on Monday.  She text me after the appointment and stated that the "dr. search is over!"  Now, in my world, the search would have been over years ago as I have had the same OBGYN for 15 years.  But, this isn't my world and we just have to be thankful that she was able to find a doctor to care for her in the last weeks of her pregnancy. 

 

Hopefully we will have many questions answered on Tuesday, as she goes in for an ultrasound.  Now, according to her, she needs two ultrasounds a week until she delivers.  I find that hard to believe and have been googling reasons why someone would need two ultrasounds a week.....note to self:  stay off Google!  My guess is she misunderstood, but we are thankful for the Tuesday ultrasound!  I am going to let her know that if she would like me to be on speaker phone at her appointments to just call me! I would feel better about that!  In the mean time, we are waiting for her medical records from that appointment to be sent to us!

 

Thanksgiving went off without a hitch.  We hosted it this year and had my family as well as Greg's family.  It was a fun filled three days, and of course, My mom, the kids and I all went out  Black Friday shopping!  Tre' shopped with us like a trooper and then went to work at 3:30 am!  Later Friday morning, Greg took Taylen and Ashlin to the Husker game while Tre' slept and my mom and I continued shopping!  We did get a little nap in the 4th quarter before we had all the family back over for left overs!  We had a great time and ate entirely too much! Today's walk with the dogs was extra long to help with my potential weight gain!

 

Today, I mailed out our Christmas cards, so that must mean Christmas is right around the corner!  Christmas music, hot cocoa and Christmas decorating is on the agenda tomorrow!

Expecting without pregnancy

Adopting one child won't change the world, but for that child the world will change

Today was a big day!  I knew Sarah was going in for her OB visit this morning.  She text me the other day and informed us!  We also had an interview scheduled with our pediatrician.

I was shopping at Hobby Lobby today...about 11:15 a.m. and I thought I would text Sarah to see how her appointment went.  I had been thinking about it all morning, but I didn't want to seem to eager and I sure didn't want her to think that is all I cared about.  I started out by telling her it snowed here, and then I asked her how her appointment went.  She informed me that the "walk-in" clinic she went to early this morning only takes the first 5 patients and she was the 6th one.  My heart sunk a little!  Now, I know from having my own OB appointments, that these normal appointments aren't that informative.  They measure, listen to the heartbeat, and answer any questions.  Questions I would ask, but was sure she wouldn't ask.  But to have her go to that appointment would prove to us that she is trying to be responsible and taking care of our baby.  She said she would try again Monday.  I, again, am experiencing something I have never experienced.  What pregnant person DOESN'T have a regular doctor with regular appointments?  Why isn't this as important to her as it is to me?  Is she hiding something that will devastate us later?  But, then again, if she was having the same feelings as us, I would not be writing this blog.  And once again, the harsh reality that I am not in control.  This young  woman was holding our parental destiny in her hands.  Let's hope she is one of the first 5 patients on Monday. 

Now, for those of you who know me, know that I LOVE my kids' pediatrician and his office.  So, it wasn't even a discussion as to where we would take the baby.  Greg has heard me talk of Dr. Brad and was excited to meet him.  So, I gathered up my newly organized binder (I clearly have too much time on my hands or a little OCD) and we headed to the pediatricians office for our "new baby" interview.  I interviewed him when I moved to Lincoln and was pregnant with Taylen and we have been going to the same pediatrician for 15 years, so I knew how they do things.  but, I wanted to interview him again for two reasons: 1) I wanted Greg to meet him; 2) I had a ton of questions!  Mom takes advil, is that ok?  Mom says she has smoked, is that ok?  We are going to be living in a hotel for a few days/weeks, at what point should I take the baby in for a check?  When should we schedule his appointment when we get back?  What formula should we use?  Can we fly back with the baby or should we drive?  

Dr. Brad gave us a book - Birth to Age 5.  Greg was excited...his new nightly reading, he informed me! He spent an hour and twenty minutes with us after his office was closed, and explained everything to us.  He looked through the medical records and thought everything looked great.  Of course, the more records we have, the better, but we will take what we can get! At the end of the conversation, he said, "You call anytime you want, even if you are in Cincinnati and I will call you back.  And the minute you get back, I want to look over the baby, so we will get you in anytime!"  Greg was very impressed with him and I had a little less anxiety.  

After reading through the records, he couldn't pinpoint a due date....or a gender!  This could get interesting!

Ooo, we need to buy a turkey...we are hosting Thanksgiving in a few days...boy did that sneak up on us!  

So much different that when I was pregnant

Sometimes the things we can't change end up changing us.

After that whirlwind few days, thing started to slow down, which is a good thing for my heart! :-)

We exchanged phone numbers with Sarah and her and I text a few times a week.  I can't believe it has been only two weeks since we learned of her.  I feel like time is standing still!

During one of our texting conversations, I asked her how far along she was.  Now, I can do that math, but it just made me feel better hearing it from her.  Her response "I'm not really sure, I stopped counting, but I think I am due February 4, 2014."  Now, I just sat there and stared at my phone.  Two things jumped out at me.  I went into Greg's office and read it to him.  February 4th?  I swear Mary told us January 2nd?  And, any of my friends, or myself that have been pregnant know exactly how far along they were.  I took this as a good sign that she wasn't attached!

You have to understand when you are dealing with women who are not emotionally connected to their pregnancy, a due date doesn't matter.  The "weeks" don't matter.  Mary had to explain this to me as I couldn't comprehend this!  As Greg said, February 4th actual works better for us...as our January is full and the kids will be gone.  But we will make anything work!  

We received the medical records and her paperwork from the agency.  I have scoured that paperwork at least 100 times! And from what I can figure out, she is due anytime between now and February 4th!  So, as with this whole process, we will wait and just know it is out of our hands!  And how very hard this is for me for something so important to be completely out of my control!

And I am not sure exactly where they found that the baby was a boy!

Meeting your child's mother

Little souls find their way to you, whether they're from your womb or someone else's

Meeting your child's mother is like nothing else you've ever done, so you haven't the foggiest notion how to act.   I was a nervous wreck.

The phone call was to take place at 5:30 pm CST (6:30 EST and 3:30 PST).  We were going to be on a conference call first with just Mary and then she would bring Sarah on.  I told Mary how nervous I was and she said that Sarah was just as nervous.  Greg, of course, was just as calm as ever.  I'm so glad one of us stays calm in this process!

We knew she was a 28 yr old, single, African American, and sure she didn't want to keep the baby.  She got on the phone and we could barely hear her.  She was so nervous and so quiet.  We had a lovely conversation that lasted about an hour.  She opened up a lot.  She told us about her childhood, her adulthood, what her family was like.  She knows she has made bad decisions in her life and she wants to make something of herself someday.  She asked us about our lives and what we like to do and about how we celebrate holidays.  She asked us if we would be okay with raising an African American baby.  

She sounded perfect to us.  Now, we know she isn't in the perfect situation and as far as we know, she is capable of deception.  But, we liked her so much right now and she was doing the most selfless act that we could think of.  I know I could never do what she is doing.  She was sweet and funny and that is just how we wanted to know her "in our minds".  

We know there is a high risk of an adoption failing.  We are aware of that.  Like I told Greg, they could have called us right back after the call on November 4, 2013 and told us that she changed her mind and we would've been just as devasated as we will be if God forbid she changes her mind in a few months.  So, we did what I know how to do best...we went shopping and picked up our first baby items!  

November 4, 2013

"Giving birth does not make a mother.....Placing a child for adoption does not make her less of one."

I remember the date and what we were doing like it was yesterday.  It was a Monday night.  The kids were both gone for the evening and Greg and I had just finished up supper.  Our deal is I cook dinner and he cleans up - I know, I have a pretty great husband! So, I made my way to the couch to relax for a second and he was finishing up the dishes.  I remember we had just started talking about the "what ifs".  What if we don't get a call for another year?  What if we NEVER get a call?  What if we get the call and then she ends up having twins? (cue 'Friends' episode here)  What do you think we will "have"? Boy or Girl? Big baby or tiny baby?  Where do you think the birth mother will be from? 

Because we are doing a domestic adoption, we have to stay in the state that the baby is born until the paperwork goes through the courts.  Could be a couple days to a few weeks!  So, in our conversation, I was saying that if we were to get a call and the baby was to be born in the winter, I was kind of hoping it would be a "warm" state.  Greg thought we would probably get a birth mother from Pennsylvania or somewhere around there.  It was fun to imagine when/where!

So, my heart stopped at 7:03 pm on November 4, 2013 when my phone rang and the caller ID came up "Unknown Caller".  Now, I have no idea, other than a "gut feeling" why that phone call stopped me dead in my tracks.  Every time the agency called me, it always came up with their number.  I answered the phone and I heard a very sweet voice, "Jami, this is Mary, your Adoption Advisor.  Is Greg around so I can speak to the two of you together?"  Of course, we perched ourselves on that kitchen bar stool and heard the best thing we've heard "Jami and Greg, congratulations, you have been chosen by a birth mother!"  

We didn't know what to do or say.  Do I cry? Do I sit quietly and listen?  Do I run outside and scream up and down the street that we are going to be parents?  

Mary continued, "Her name is Sarah, she is from Cincinnati and she is African American.  We also know the sex of the baby, but we will get to that later.  The baby is healthy and he is due January 2, 2014."  "So it's a BOY!!!" I said.  "Yes, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to tell you know, I didn't even know if you wanted to know.  It slipped!"  Greg and I sat there and took notes and just looked and each other!  

Mary told us the information we needed to know and told us we could call her back in the morning to let her know if we wanted this opportunity and if we did, we would then set up a "meeting" with the birth mother.  I said, "Can we call you back in 5 minutes?"  "No, take the evening to think about it and I will talk to you in the morning! I get in at 7:00 am PST"

We called the kids and informed them and asked what they thought and we were all so excited!

So, at 9:00 am CST and (7:00am PST), November 5, 2013, I called Mary back and told her we would be delighted to welcome this new little boy into our family!